


Never had a present like you (White Christmas)

by IzzyvanIzzgy



Category: Neo Yokio
Genre: Bad Puns, Christmas, Christmas Crack, Christmas Presents, Gay, Kazangelo, M/M, Swearing, blowjob, didn't know this tag existed but okay, don't take this seriously, gucci, shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-05-11
Packaged: 2020-02-29 19:53:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18785074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IzzyvanIzzgy/pseuds/IzzyvanIzzgy
Summary: The best Christmas presents can't be bought, so Kaz comes up with a pretty stupid secret santa gift, something way gayer and than a watch.Kind of crack, kind of smut, it's a weird combination, i wrote this when i was drunk





	Never had a present like you (White Christmas)

**Author's Note:**

> so yeah after watching the Christmas Special a second time and having a bit too much of Caprese Martini and Gin, I decided the best thing to do was to write a oneshit for this god tier ship
> 
> this was my first time writing smut and writing drunk, but i had a blast
> 
> bless this shit show

When Kaz thought of holiday spirit, the true meaning of christmas- a celebration focusing on your loved ones- bondage wasn‘t the first thing that came to his mind.  
Then again, there he was, wrapped in gift band (sponsored by Gucci©), moaning and getting his dick sucked off.  
Kaz asked himself how the hell he even got here.  
To be fair, he actually didn‘t, in this excact moment he only thought about how good Arcangelo`s tongue was feeling, but I thought about that, and for the sense of logic, here‘s the backstory.

 

All the weeks before Christmas, Kaz thought about what he should give to his secret santa, which was, of fucking course, Arcangelo.  
But whatever present he could think of, no matter how creative or expensive it was, Kaz was absolutely positive it wasn‘t the right one.  
„Charles, what am I supposed to do? This is torture -everytime I think it‘s the right one, I can‘t help imagining Arcangelo gifting me something better.“  
Kaz Kaan was devasteted, and this whole secret santa thing was really pulling on his nerves.  
No Golden Gucci© Slippers, no scented Chanel© suit and no Mecha-Butler (Kaz would have thoughtfully called him Charles III)- he needed something bigger, something more shocking, something absolutely spectacular, something that was able to live up to Arcangelo.  
Of course Arcangelo had to like it too, no question.  
„I doubt there are any more things Bergdorf can offer, Sir.“  
Kaz did not respond-he knew perfectly well that Charles was right, so he looked far into the distance, thoroughly thinking.  
„And what if I give him something that Bergdorf can‘t offer?“  
„Would you like to explain, Sir?“  
Kaz sighed, and if he was being honest with himself, he actually was a bit irritated of that thought.  
Something Bergdorf can‘t offer?  
What was he even thinking about?  
And where the hell did that thought even come from?  
„You know what Charles, just forget about-“  
„No Sir, I think that would be a great idea.“  
Kaz‘ mouth was wide open, and before he could say anything, Charles shook his head.  
„Sir, like I said, it sounds like a fabolous idea. I think it‘s wonderful to give a secret santa gift that you didn‘t buy.“  
„I beg your pardon, but would you care to explain now, Charles?“  
„Christmas wasn‘t always about material gifts, Sir. Sometimes it‘s better to give a present that comes directly from your heart.“  
„And what if it comes directly from my dick?“  
„Sir, I think I diagnose you with the gay.“  
„But that‘s something Bergdorf hasn‘t got in stock, right?“  
„I guess, Sir.“  
„I can‘t believe I have actually said that. What the fuck. That Caprese Martini from earlier has really gone to my head, huh.“  
„Well, and I‘m sorry to say this Sir, but I‘m quite certain it would surprise Arcangelo if you would...give yourself as a present, Sir.“  
„What?“  
Kaz knew he initiated this, he knew it, but it didn‘t mean it was weird.  
He?  
The present for Arcangelo?  
Would he even like it?  
Kaz shook his head as he felt the blood rising to his cheeks- and maybe to another part of his body as well.  
„I will think about it, Charles.“

In the end Kaz couldn‘t come up with something better- so he went with his/Charles‘s idea and bought some not-so-easy-to-tear-apart christmas band in midnight blue- to show that he actually cared- and texted Arcangelo to come over, after dismissing Charles, of course.

Kaz wasn‘t entirely sure how he came to this idea, but ultimately he stripped himself and started to wrap himself up (however in god‘s name he did that).  
This was what Charles meant, right?  
It still felt a bit weird, though.  
And there he stood- naked and wrapped up- waiting for his archnemesis, homie, bro, or whatever, until the door bell rang and he finally realized that he basically started the plot of a porn all by himself.  
Shit.  
He didn't think this through- how was he supposed to open the door in this state?  
Magic was the answer- I do not know how magic helped in this situation, so I won‘t describe it, but it helped getting the door open, so let‘s just skip this part.  
„Kaz, my homie, where are you at?“  
„In my bedroom, Arcangelo.“  
„Oh, I like where this is going, wink.“  
And there it was again- the blood rising up.  
The only difference was that he would not be able to hide a boner now.  
„Kaaaaz, I‘m coming.“  
Maybe Arcangelo was preparing for later, maybe he was only looking for his homie, who knows man, who knows.  
The door slammed open and a pair of surprised yet somehow aroused eyes stared at him, Kaz, seductively laying in front of the bed.  
„Oh.“  
„Oh?“  
„Oh.“  
„You don't like it?“  
Kaz was dissapointed- was it a bad idea after all?  
He knew it, it was bad, he should have never done this, he should-  
„I love it, Kaz, because fuck, that‘s hot.“  
Fuck.  
He thought it was hot.  
Well, he knew how he would react if he liked it, but he didn‘t know how he should react if Arcangelo thought it was hot.  
Should he just go with it?  
There was not really anything else he could do, right?  
„Oh, really? You like it?“, Kaze smirked and stared deeply into Arcangelos eyes.  
„I told ya, I fucking do.“, said Arcangelo and licked over his lips, then he proceeded to take off his jacket.  
Fuck, fuck, fuck, where was this going?  
No, he knew where this was going and not that he didn‘t liked it, no, he was absolutely into this.  
Wait- since when was he into dudes?  
„Okay“, whispered Kaz and proceeded to bite his lip and hoped that Arcangelo would take it as a hint.  
To say it shortly, he did.  
Arcangelo decided to kneel before the tied up Kaz and seemed to enjoy the view with a satisfied grin, before he started to feel Kaz‘ abs with his soft fingers, oh my god, since when did guys have such soft fingers- and Kaz swore on Gucci©, everytime he felt Arcangelo‘s fingers, a shock wave was sent through his entire body, almost as it guaranteed an incredbile experience.  
And maybe it would be an incredible experience, at least, that was he felt right now- because even though he still wasn‘t used to it, he still loved it, by god, yes, he loved it every time he could feel Arcangelo.  
“Woah, calm down a bit, Kazzy. I haven’t even started yet.”  
He was right- this was only the beginning (well, the beginning of things that would drive Arcangelo hopefully insane –that’d make one hell of a secret santa gift) and he started to feel Arcangelo‘s tongue, lickng over his abs, carefully, as if he wanted to taste his not too detailed abs.  
Wherever his tongue was going, he liked it.  
Fuck yeah, he liked this feeling- the feeling of Arcangelo‘s wet tongue coming closer to his raging boner.  
„Well, Kaz Jr. sure likes to see me“, Arcangelo remarked and Kaz laughed a bit.  
God, Arcangelo was stupid.  
But he was also fucking hot.  
Maybe that’s why this whole thing was working.  
And if Kaz was brutally honest, he did not care if it was stupid or whatever, all he cared about was Arcangelo‘s Arcdick, and Arcangelo placing small kisses on his upper body.  
Wait, his upper body?  
Kaz didn’t have any experience in giving oneself as a present to a frenemy, but he knew for sure that Arcangelo was going in the wrong direction.  
“Woah, what you’re doing?”, Kaz quietly asked while trying to catch his breath as Arcangelo’s lips wandered to his neck. “I thought you’d suck my dick, homie.”  
“That’s not very cash money of you”, Arcangelo slowly stated before slightly biting into Kaz’ neck. “I didn’t see my name on this present, so I have to mark what’s mine, don’t you agree?”  
“Since when are you so kinky?”  
Kaz gulped and bit his lip again as soon as Arcangelo licked the hickey he left.  
“You’re the one who came up with the idea of bondage, and you’re calling me kinky?”  
“Fair poi-fuck”, he whimpered, and Arcangelo looked up with a surprised look on his face.  
“Oh? Do you like that?”  
Arcangelo smiled like the devil itself and started to grab Kaz’ hair in a more rough and passionate way, only for Kaz to whimper even more.  
“Oh, Kazzy boy, I never thought you were a sub.”  
“To be fair, I never understood the deal with delivery pizza. Sure, it’s okay, but have you ever had good, original Italian pizza? That’s some next level shit. Sandwiches though? No matter where you eat them, I’m never disappointed with their quality. And you can put everything on a sandwich without people judging you- if it’s between twos slices of bread, it’s considered a sandwich, right? Try putting pineapple on a pizza, and people will kill you. It’s Toast Hawaii, not Pizza Hawaii. I mean sure, nothing beats a combination of soft and tender bread, fresh vegetables and high quality meat, but if we’re talking about either Domino’s or Subway, I will always side with Sub.”  
“For fuck’s sake, let me suck your dick and start moaning, please.”  
Arcangelo didn’t have to say it twice: once he had his hand around Kaz’ dick, the living Christmas present loudly moaned Arcangelo’s name.  
“Fuck, that’s good”, Kaz proclaimed as Arcangelo’s hand moved up on down, slowly and teasingly. “I never expected a handjob from a man to be this amazing.”  
“Never had a dude before? Guess you’re a newcumer, then.”  
“Shut up and put my dick in your mouth already”, Kaz complained- his whole body felt hot, a strange, fantastic fever that made him long for more, yeah, he needed more.  
The wetness from Arcangelo’s mouth was a pleasant and sudden surprise, but Kaz welcomed it with every inch of his body.  
Maybe it was his imagination- he was horny as fuck right now- but Kaz was sure that Arcangelo’s mouth was just about the right size for his dick.  
That was a least one good use for that Gucci©-trash talking mouth of his.  
“Ah, damn”, Kaz hissed and with Arcangelo’s tongue involved once more, he could feel the tension inside of him growing and growing, until it almost felt unbearable.  
Quick breaths, deep moans, his face glowing from heat, a skilled tongue and fingers sliding over his hip bones sending him to heaven- was this the true spirit of Christmas?  
It sure was holy, and after a few seconds, both of them witnessed a White Christmas.  
Arcangelo licked over his lips, stood up and put his jacket back on, all while Kaz was still trying to catch his breath after the sensational rush he just had.  
“Well, I’m about to head out, have a good evening, Kaz.”  
Wait, what?  
With a blank face he stared at Arcangelo, who stood at the doorframe, laughing to himself.  
“What? We won’t fuck?”  
“Nah.”  
“Hey, what if we have some more fun and I’ll accept it as your secret santa?”  
“Then it won’t be secret anymore”, Arcangelo explained with a triumphing glare in his eyes. “Maybe I’ll find an even better gift for you, Kaz.”  
“I hope so”, Kaz replied with a flirty tone, still trying to get Arcangelo back.  
“Or not. This did set the bar quite high.”  
“It did?”  
There was a glimmer of hope in Kaz’ voice, but as soon as he saw Arcangelo flip his hair as fabulous as he could, that glimmer died.  
“Yeah. I live for people submitting themselves to me. So thanks for that.”  
With these words Kaz was left alone- and only now he realized that there was no way he could get himself out of the wrapping situation alone.


End file.
